Just as I am sitting at the office I hear a fabric tearing sound and I look down to my Levi’s jean which I bought in 2012 in Istanbul when I was studying there, and I see my white thighs trying to make a breakthrough like the Jenners. Yup, they have ripped.
I got up, had a laugh with my colleagues, blamed it on the fabric and how old the jeans were …
All is good…
The next week, I am about to hop on the scooter and AGAIN I hear and this time feel the tearing, another jean same spot.
This time the jeans were one year old and I am about to cry…
I ask whether we can pull over at the nearest Pull & Bear shop so I can quickly grab some fitting but cheap jeans. Why Pull & Bear? It is stylish, cheap, and has fairly good quality. Also, the only shop I know nearby. Side note: I don’t get paid to write this (yet). Anyway, I pick a couple, I go in the changing room, and the jeans won’t fit. Even more annoyed I go out grab two trackies with elastic waists, these fit!
Don’t worry they are not the ones with them stripes on the side.
I go out silently buy the trackies and go back into the changing room to put them on…
We go through the day and after getting some groceries, head to home.
As I start filling up the fridge, the greek yogurt package of four slips and falls. One explodes and all yoghurt is now on my newly purchased black trackie.
All my insecurities about my thighs rush through my head and I give up. Silently, I start sobbing.
All my life, my thighs have been rubbing against each other and all my pants have been tearing from the same spot.
You have no idea how often I am considering liposuction just to be able to wear clothing comfortably and have that one notch additional self confidence. It is always a struggle.
I envy those girls who look good when they put whatever on them. Garbage bag, sure, why the fuck not, let’s pair it up with some Top Gun, Tom Cruise style black western belt!
In the meantime, let me figure out whether I am in a “do you have this in a bigger size” and “this is the biggest size we have” situation or not.
The two jeans that ripped are now shorts which will cause me heat rashes in a couple of months.
Because during summers, it gets worse. While everybody is enjoying their shorts, skirts,dresses, and all air flowing through their bodies, I am fighting heat rashes on my thighs, constantly. But that is okay. Deep breath.
I know I will have these meltdowns and I will learn from them. Learn that I might need to find a good tailor.