March 8th and Lady Bird

In the past week international women’s day had a bigger than ever impact on me. Maybe it was because of the accident, maybe it was because of the #metoo movement maybe it was reading a piece on Hedy Lamarr, or maybe I kind of started to understand more what it is to be a woman and all the layers to it. Whatever the whole past story and build up, it got to me on another level this time.

I am just figuring it out a little bit more. I want to say it takes balls but balls are weak. If you don’t know what I mean, Hal Spark’s Pussy is Tougher routine and Sheng Wang’s Comedy Central gig explain this very well. In the Pussy is Tougher routine Hal says ‘The vagina is the tougher of the two genitals, by a long a shot…pussies are invincible …meanwhile, what do we say about a dude if we want to say he is tough? Fuck dude that guy got balls bro… balls are the weakest part of me’ also Sheng Wang another comedian tapped into the same topic at a Comedy Central gig by saying ‘A friend said to me, “Hey you need to grow a pair. Grow a pair, Bro.” It’s when someone calls you weak, but they associate it with a lack of testicles. Which is weird, because testicles are the most sensitive things in the world. If you suddenly just grew a pair, you’d be a lot more vulnerable. If you want to be tough, you should lose a pair. If you want to be real tough, you should grow a vagina.’

Fascinating how sexist our phrases often are and as a woman (sadly) that I automatically continue to use them. To be a woman takes a strong vagina and resilience in this fucked up world. It is not easy but I am glad to say that I have so many of these resilient power women around me, all the love to you!

For the ones in doubt, I know there are so many people from family members to random acquaintances telling you, you cannot achieve certain things because you are a girl. I remember when I told certain family members that I wanted to quit basketball in my final year of high school because I wanted to focus on my grades and going to university, someone said to me ‘Do you really think you can make it to university?’ with all their “good” intentions.

That hurt but it did not stop me.

The one thing I realized now, when people said this type of horse shit to me, I always looked at my mother. She never listened to anybody, never settled for less, and always went her way. That strong example throughout my life has been my blessing, and today I understand more and more how tough it must have been for my mother in her time.

While watching the non-hollywood style made heart-warming movie Lady Bird (Thank you, Greta Gerwig!), this feeling of nostalgia infused with empathy intensified.

Without any spoilers this movie is about a seventeen year old girl’s story on growing up in Sacramento, California and the challenges she faces with her mother, family, friends, and at school while coming of age.

The dynamic the movie portrayed between the mother and Lady Bird was so real and close to me. Everything I felt eight years ago, came all back. The period of time where I was insecure, without developed principles.. I did not know what to do. Oh god, all the confusion.

Despite all of it, I jumped into the water and went for it.

Now I have an MA degree, am surrounded by phenomenal power women, and am a young professional.

Just like eight years ago, there are still many things happening to stop me from evolving and growing. Actually now they are on a more fucked up level but no way these are going to stop me.

I do have moments where I feel so tired and angry where I want an easy way out and I know you have these moments as well.

I promised myself I will push through, I will hustle.

I know I am an infinite being, capable of extraordinary things.

Some of you are going to be thinking, ‘she is too full of herself’ ‘she has an attitude’ ‘she had the privilege of ..’ or whatever excuse…

No that’s not it.

I fought so hard to get where I am, and I have still places to go.

I am an entire ocean in one drop and I have depths to discover!

We all do.