Yesterday I was reminded by my grandmother through WhatsApp (yes you read that right) to adjust my watches, clocks, and any other device I have that is able to show time as summer time arrived, well at least daylight saving time as you know we have a two week summer period usually in the Netherlands…nonetheless, I love when we have more daylight in the evenings.
I did so and of course I am the type of person to call her back in the morning and ask what time it is to triple check if I and all the technological automatically updating products in house managed to update it correctly. Yup, I trust my grandmother more than the automated time updates, obviously.
After she confirmed the time, she told me that I should not forget to bring the lids of her plastic containers. She always makes sure whenever I visit, I take some healthy Oma style home cooked meals with me.
From meals to reminders to life advice, everything she and my opa does is brought to life by this infinite love which can be overwhelming considering the age we live in where selfishness and ego mania has peaked to another level.
I cherish their eternal support as long as I can because thinking about this makes me realize my ultimate fear, losing them. I know we are mortal beings and not Asgardians (and yes, even Odin died at some point, I know!). It is part of life bla bla bla but still I choke every time I am reminded of their aging.
When I tell this to them Opa says ‘the moment you were born you started your dying process, don’t be afraid it will be beautiful – think about it this way, you were able to spend at least 25 years with us and not many people can say that about their grandparents’.
Yes, full of logic and intelligence and I agree but still… ugh.
Almost eight years ago I decided to move to the Netherlands for my education. I knew I was Dutch, I came here every summer to spend time with my grandparents. I didn’t know what it was like to live in the Netherlands or what kind of people my grandparents were beyond those 6 weeks I spent with them each summer, or what the culture had to offer, mentally I was so Turkish. Currently, the lines are hella blurred, I even feel a tiny tat Portuguese…
When I moved in 2010 to the Netherlands, my grandparents took me in and helped me to be me. I didn’t know who I was before moving to the Netherlands; I mean I am still not sure and am figuring it out but my grandparents showed me that I had a voice and I should live up to my own principles. They helped me with unleashing me, I felt like the rocket Elon Musk sent heading to freaking Mars. For that I will be forever grateful and that is why I am more scared to lose them than my own parents. I know I sound insane and despite the fact that I love my parents a lot it is just this weird connection I have with them is on another level.
They helped me through all the existential hiccups I had, and I can be dramatic – love without expectations, so much to learn from!
In becoming better at who I am, as I told you earlier I finally found the courage to go to the nutritionist. The experience was oddly satisfying, she showed me how I can optimize what I am eating now on a daily basis by changing the time I consume certain things and the combinations I make. She was neither a detox fanatic nor a shake freak, she was very realistic in handling the love I have for food, well actually more for the cake and pie department.
I started today and it kind of works I think, I mean I haven’t cheated yet. 2 weeks in I will elaborate further. For now, it made me feel good enough to turn the thigh ripped/exploded Levi’s jeans into shorts and I felt pretty okay in them.
Okay enough to wear them at least once during those 2 weeks of dysfunctional hot weather over here.
Until then, I cannot wait to enjoy the pinkish, blueish skies we have here in the evenings with some good white wine and good friends.
Okay, you know what even having those moments with okay-ish to boring people I will appreciate because there is a certain beauty in letting your judgmental shield down and being open to other types of people, it is personally almost empowering to see that you can connect beyond your interests and personality with people. I experienced this last Friday when joining a dear friend to a housewarming/birthday party and hanging out with people I had almost nothing in common with. At the beginning of the evening, I felt so awkward and even reminded myself to be nice, what a bitch right?
At the end of the evening when we were both in the metro going back home, I felt connected to my friend and to myself like I never did.
See 8 years ago, I would have never imagined thinking this.